


Dear God

by TheOrgasmicSeke



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Time Shenanigans, different time lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3807844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOrgasmicSeke/pseuds/TheOrgasmicSeke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John did what he had to do. He had to fix everything. The weight was on his shoulders and he had to fix things so they would live. The sacrifices he made would haunt him for the rest of his life but he would tell no one. He just didn't expect Karkat to figure it out all on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear God

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle/gifts).



> Blame my moirail. The fault is completely on her. 
> 
> Listen to [this](https://youtu.be/CSbjhRej7ng) song. It caused all of this okay. I should be writing WITS.

_Dear god_

_The only thing I ask of you_

_Is to hold him when I'm not around_

_When I'm much too far away_

_We all need that person_

_Who can be true to you_

_I left him when I found him_

_and now I wished I'd stayed_

_Aause I'm lonely and I'm tired_

_I'm missing you again_

* * *

 

The meaty smack of fist hitting jaw echoed through the room and for a minute, no one was even sure what to do. John let out a grunt but he didn't make any move to fight back. He rubbed his jaw with the back of his hand, feeling the trickle of blood from his split lip and the stinging would last far longer than the wound ever would. There was a sympathetic look in John's eyes as he stood up straight and met crimson that was blaring with hatred.

Karkat snarled, his lips curling over sharp fangs as his fists shook at his sides. He made no move to hit John again but only time could tell if it would happen again. Karkat had shot out the first time, out of the blue and completely by surprise. Everyone had been doing just fine. Hanging around in the common area of the meteor because they had so much more time to spear since Jade and John joined them to float through space.

"Kar." Dave's voice was light but a bit tense and the hand he placed on Karkat's shoulder only seemed to make the troll tense up all the more.

The air in the room was tight and everyone was on guard, unsure if a real fight was about to break out or what. No one was sure what to do and Karkat looked like he was struggling between ripping out John's throat and collapsing into tears.  _And no one knew why._

No one but John.

"Guys, please don't fight." Jade's voice was as light as Dave when she stepped up to John, her eyes shifting between the snarling troll and the calm human in worry. "Let's talk about this. Whatever... this is."

"You complete and utter  _asshole_." Karkat hissed, his eyes glowing and his body curling down as if he was ready to attack again. There was something terrifying about that look in his eyes and the sharp fangs that glistened in the light of the room.

And yet, John still said nothing. He just stood there and watched Karkat with the most apologetic look he could manage, fighting against the utter turmoil in his chest.

"Karkat." Dave tried again, his voice more firm as he gripped the troll's shoulder. The look of concern on Dave's face made John's stomach churn but still he did nothing. There was nothing he could do. He had done enough. He didn't need Karkat to explain anything because he already knew why. "Come on. Don't. Just walk away. Whatever it is. Let's deal with it later."

"John, are you okay?" Jade turned to his side quickly when she was sure Karkat wouldn't attack and put herself between them.

"Fine." He mumbled softly, shifting his blue eyes to her concerned face and winced when she touched his bruising cheek gently.

The sound of Karkat gritting his teeth spread over the room and Kanaya was soon by Karkat's side, urging him to walk away in a more silent way than Dave. Crimson met stunning blue and John wasn't the only one to see the way Karkat broke. The troll's shoulders slumped and with a growl, he threw Dave's hand off him and stormed away through the door he had stormed through not even five minutes before.

"Dude." Dave glanced at John, silently asking if it was okay. If he was okay. All John could offer was a small smile that made him wince and a nod. Dave lingered for a moment longer before he flash stepped after the pissed off troll.

John grit his jaw, the pain swelling his chest a bit too much to take and he pulled his face out of Jade's grasp in the gentlest way he could. His mind spun, his heart throbbed and the pain was too overwhelming. That punch was nothing compared to his chest. He was sure eventually, he would be able to handle seeing them together but he wasn't sure if that would be anytime soon.

"John." Jade's voice was soft, concern evident as she touched his arm softly. "What's going on? What happened?"

"It seems rather unlikely for Karkat to snap out so suddenly like that." Rose offered, her presence a bit calming to the room beside Jade. "Contrary to popular belief, he is not a violent troll."

"I deserved it." Was all John mumbled before he pushed past his friends and left the room, ignoring the calls of his name behind him. He couldn't do it. He couldn't stand there and act like he was fine when he wasn't.

The punch was nothing. It was the meaning behind it and the look in those beautiful crimson eyes that made John's feet stumble and his heart to rip. He wasn't sure where he was when he finally came to a stop but he was alone and that was all the mattered. He collapsed against a wall, his breathing coming hard and his eyes burning with unshed tears. His legs didn't want to hold his weight anymore and when his butt connected with the floor, he snatched off his glasses and plopped his head in his hands. Sobs racked his body and the pain of his split lip was nothing compared to the anguish that took control.

It had been the right thing to do. He knew that. He was would always know that. He had to. He had to fix the time lines and he thought everyone would just be better off not knowing. His friends were alive and that was all that mattered. Even if he lost something  _so_ precious in the process. Even if he had to sit by and watch that something precious become precious to someone else. It was worth it in the end and the pain he felt was something he would just have to deal with.

Karkat was safe in Dave's capable hands. John knew that. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

"How long?"

The softly spoken words made John jump in surprise and he looked up with blurred vision at the troll standing only a few feet away. He shoved his glasses back on his face but still, his vision was blurred. He swallowed hard, emotion crashing over him in waves and the sob that chocked through his throat was impossible to keep down. No, not now. Karkat couldn't see him like this. He couldn't know.

"How long!" Karkat snapped, his eyes flaring to life and his claws forming fists at his sides.

"Days. It's only been days." He managed to speak, his voice tight and wrecked with emotion.

"You fucking assmuncher." Karkat hissed, his body shaking and it took John a moment to notice the red tears leaking from his eyes.

"How..."

"Did you seriously fucking think I wouldn't run into myself from a different time line in a dream bubble?!" He snapped, his body violently shaking from what John could only understand as painful rage.

John couldn't respond. He didn't know how to respond. He just heaved a heavy sigh and with more effort than he thought, he pushed himself to his feet. His throat burned, his eyes burns and his chest felt like Karkat had ripped it apart with his claws.

"Say something!"

"I don't know what to say!" John snapped back, wincing at his own words and the way they made Karkat stand to attention.

"How about why! I'd like to fucking know  _why_  you deceitful fuck!" Karkat shook, his fists so tight that blood dripped from them. His eyes were a whirlwind of emotion but tears still fell, leaving red tracks down his puffy grey cheeks. "Why did you do that?! Why would you change everything?! Didn't we- I thought- Makerdamnit John!" Karkat hissed and started to tug at his hair, claws scrapping along his scalp. "Why would you fucking  _ruin_ us?!"

"Because you were dead!" John snapped, his anger and pain flaring into something he couldn't control. His throat was so tight it was burning but he pressed forward away. "You fucking  _died_  Karkat! Everyone fucking  _died_."

The troll froze at those words, his crimson eyes growing wide and his breath stopping in his throat. "...What." The word came out on a croak, the tears pausing just for a moment.

"You..." John sighed in aggravation and every emotion other than sad left his body. He racked a hand through his hair and glanced away from the shaking troll. "I had to fix it. I didn't have a choice but... You were dead and I... What was I supposed to do? You're not my Karkat but you're still Karkat. My Karkat..." He bit hard into his inner cheek and had to close his eyes against the wash of pain over his body. "I had to fix it."

Karkat watched as John slumped against the wall, his emotions spent and the tears in his eyes all dried up. He didn't want to think about how many times John had cried over him. It was bizarre to even think about because to him... But he had  _seen_  that time line. His other self forced him to watch and it was torture. But it was more torturous to see the usually vibrant blue eyed dork so fucking heart broken.

"And you were never going to tell me."

"Why would I?" John let out a soft sigh. "It's not like it was you."

"It fucking was me!" Karkat snapped suddenly and in an instant he was in front of John, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and pulling them close together. "It was still me."

"It didn't matter, Karkat." John breathed softly, his eyes fogged over as he stared down into swirling crimson. A light sad smile came to his lips as he tilted his head to the side. "Dave-"

"Shut up." Karkat hissed softly, his grip tightening on John's shirt. "If you paid one motherfucking ounce of attention outside of your glubthick thinkpan you would know exactly what Strider and I are."

John was quiet for a moment before opening his mouth. "and... what exactly is that?"

The troll grit his teeth, his claws ripping John's shirt as he tugged it and pressed forward at the same time. The lips that pressed to John's were soft and unsteady and smarted his split lip but it was all he could have ever wanted. The kiss was hard, unsteady but fucking perfect and John's heart soared at the contact, his arms going around the troll instinctively. Karkat let out a faint growl against John's mouth but just pressed closer, pinning the human against the wall as their lips moved together, sliding and catching in all the right places.

When they finally parted, John's head was spinning and Karkat's expression looked more angry than pleased. But there was warmth in his eyes John had not seen in what felt like forever. His arms tightened around the troll's waist, holding them together as if he never intended to let go.

"I... I'm an idiot?" John asked softly, his eyebrow perking and the smallest smile coming to his lips.

"The biggest doucheshitting disdainful dunderfuck ever." The smile that curled to plump lips was tender and soft and made everything inside of John flare to life. "I pitied you in one time line the fuck makes you think I wouldn't in this one?"

"I... I don't know." He laughed softly, his throat still tight but his lips spread into a grin that could no longer be controlled.

"Dork." Karkat mumbled lovingly and when their lips met again, it was as if nothing bad had ever happened. And that was more than John could ever ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not reflect certain feelings dealing with a certain update of a certain comic that I am none to happy with, you dig? 
> 
> Let me know what you thoughts! Kudos are great, comments too! Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~Addy~


End file.
